⚖️ Inbox - Steven Grant's Communicator

[de_nile]

This communicator belongs to Steven Grant! :)

If you need to contact someone that isn't Steven Grant, maybe you're looking for Marc Spector's dead drop...

Put date and format in the header, please!
Marc tags from reflectedlight
Steven tags from de_nile

Comments

[reflectedlight]

He's an asshole.

[Marc has a reasonable, healthy fear of Khonshu, but its not a paralyzing horrible fear. It's definitely not enough fear that Marc has not at this point tuned out the fact that Khonshu is a god and is able to focus on other reasons he sucks.

He is also not psyched about this magic system being real. He didn't even remember Ammit's name until Will said it. He probably could have told you it starts with A? It's a crocodile. She's bad.]

He's like the Admiral but with a lot more running commentary. A lot more. Too much.

[empathicfault]

[ Will thinks about that, eyebrows raising. ]

I've had micromanaging bosses before, but at least they weren't gods.

Was that a similar deal? He saved your life for doing his bidding? I mean, it doesn't sound like salary work.

[reflectedlight]

[Lonnnggg breath, in and out.]

Yeah. Another dumb mistake, mercenary work in Libya that went bad.

[Steven would honestly shit himself if he knew his body was doing mercenary work that went well, let alone any of the other 5,000 things going on with Marc.]

It's easier to just give these guys what they want.

[empathicfault]

[ Will nods and sighs. ]

At least with the Admiral, it's a one-and-done situation. And if you are done with being a superhero for a god, if you think you've paid your debt...just about anything can be arranged here. Might not even take a Deal.

[reflectedlight]

Yeah, maybe. One god problem at a time. I can't even fix that cult until I get out of this mess. Without any more people finding out.

[A rare, laser-intense moment of eye contact.]

If I'm on my own, I'm on my own. But if I'm not, we should lay down some ground rules for Steven.

[empathicfault]

[ Will stares back at him, holding the gaze. And he nods. ]

Okay. Go ahead.

[reflectedlight]

No more communicator messages that are meant for me. If you need to talk to me, we'll set up a system. Old school stuff, a dead drop. Something with no evidence he knows how to look for.

I used to be able to knock him out if he was about to see something that would have hurt him. A couple of months ago, it started to be that I couldn't do it any more, he got -

[It's hard to explain. Neither of them are static things, they both grow and change like anybody do as they age into who they are in any given decade. Marc used to have a job, a marriage, a reputation, hobbies, and a position as the Avatar of Khonshu. Steven used to have none of those. Interests, hobbies, that was it. He didn't have time for anything else.

It's switched. Steven has the job, the apartment, the people who expect to see him every day. He decides what they eat, what they wear. Marc gets a few hours every night, and that's all.

Steven's gotten brighter as Marc's gotten dimmer. Waxing and waning.

And - good. That's the endgame of all this, after all. That's where all of this is going.]

- just, stronger. He can fight it off. But I did it constantly when he was a kid, and if your husband keeps bringing up what happened to him to mess with his own memory, Steven's sharp enough that he's going to start putting pieces together that something's not right.

[empathicfault]

[ Will immediately nods about not messaging Marc. It's not how Will really wanted to do it, either, but he felt it important to talk to him as soon as possible.

The rest? He's looking thoughtful. ]

He might, anyway. But we won't encourage it. Is he spending more time out in front than he used to?

cw suicidal ideation

[reflectedlight]

Yeah.

[Yes. More time out front. He will not elaborate because that will lead to the "Marc, do not try to disappear into oblivion forever" talk which he's not interested in.]

If I need you to lie to him to cover for the fact that I'm going to try to front so he's out when we get breaches, can you do that or should I figure something else out? I can fix up everything except him asking you if you took him on your ship.

[empathicfault]

Hmm. Depends on the lie. We can't take him with us, and I can't pretend we can, not after he gets hit with his first Breach.

If he stays at our place in anticipation of a Breach coming, and you happen to get ahead of it and front during that time? [ Will sighs. ] I'm not sure how much of his memory is real and how much is filling in the blanks, but maybe we can help with that. At the very least we could say he feel into a Barge coma and luckily missed the Breach.

[ Marc can decide if that's sufficient for him or not. ]

In order to reach you, I'd like you to come by Counseling twice a week. Check in, let us know if you need anything, if there's anything we should know, that sort of thing. It sounds like a lot, but things can develop on the ship very quickly.

[reflectedlight]

Not much is real. Or I'd never get away with any of this. You can tell him whatever you want happened while I was fronting and he'll think he remembers it. Usually.

[He's admittedly getting a lot more lucid lately, which is a pain in the ass but probably can't be helped.]

Is that what you want in exchange for helping me with that?

[empathicfault]

It's what I want in general, but if you'd rather think of it as an exchange, that's fine. We're the only ones who know about this, I'm assuming, and can give you informed help on something that might not make sense to other wardens. It's what we need

...admittedly, we can meet somewhere else private, if you have a preference. Counseling tends to be our default late at night, if we can't sleep.

[reflectedlight]

[Yeah, he's not buying that this is benevolent, he never does. It's a savior complex thing, probably. But, Marc can use it, so that's fine. Marc does want to graduate, and it's probably going to be difficult to avoid therapy bullshit.]

Our. You and your husband? Is there even anyone else working in that department or is it just a little-

[He makes a circular motion with his fingertip. Is it just: you two being enthusiastic about what's wrong with other people, to each other, back and forth, forever?]

Closed loop?

[empathicfault]

Laura Moon and Katie Slape also work there, intermittently. And up until recently, we had a guy named Sam Wells working the night shift. Right now, though, we are the only wardens.

[ So, yes. ]

But we don't generally share clients and we take privacy seriously. I don't hear about the people Malcolm's working with unless they come and tell me themselves.

1/3

[reflectedlight]

Right. The... vampire cowboy.

[SIGH. This place has such a high concentration of things that are bullshit. Like, how are there so many vampires where he's from that you can get a therapist specializing in them? Is he CERTIFIED as a vampire therapist? Are there vampire therapist SCHOOLS? Are they -

2/3

[de_nile]

[-accredited? Are vampires socially accepted enough so that they're incorporated into the educational system? Because that's...

Wait. No. What? Wait-]

3/3

[reflectedlight]

[Marc shakes his head to get himself to focus, makes a noise of denial in the back of his throat. Bad time. Go back to sleep, buddy, you're having a weird dream about all your new friends.]

And I'm working with you specifically.

[Is that right?]

[empathicfault]

Oh. I'm not asking for you to show up for formal therapy. I don't like to twist arms over that. That being said, if you do want more of that kind of support? I can keep it to myself.

No, what I was asking more about is...more logistical. I can't know how to help stabilize a situation with Steven until I know both you and Steven better.

Speaking of...did Steven just try to interject there?

[reflectedlight]

[Marc does NOT believe you.]

You think you can turn it off, is what you're saying.

[The "doing therapy" brain. You think you can turn it off? Is this what you think?

Because. No. He is pretty sure you cannot.]

[empathicfault]

[ Will's eyebrows raise. ]

I can't turn off my empathy disorder. I'm going to feel feelings that you have and sometimes it makes weird pictures in my brain.

But I've only been a counselor here for a year. I've been doing my best, but it's not hardwired into me.

[reflectedlight]

Not what I meant.

[Sorry. Hands up; peace. Surrender. Sorry.]

Neither of us can turn it off, it's ... I got it. I'm sure people have said that shit to you enough in your life. I meant the therapy stuff.

I ought to warn you that I'm the last person I'd recommend you get in weird picture range of twice a week.

[Well. Actually. Considering other people Will's scanned? Or whatever verb he uses for it?]

Alright. No. I didn't, uh, I'm not a serial killer, it's not that bad. But it's not good, either.

[empathicfault]

[ Will can't help it- he chuckles at the initial assertion. ]

No, I understand, really. And I appreciate the concern. But everyone here, even the wardens, has some uniquely horrible things that follow them here. I tend to pick it up via the ambient environment sometimes. It can be a relief to know where it's coming from.

[ He's still not sure where all the eyes are coming from. Probably multiple people. There are just so many. ]

Uh- anyway. Yes, I'm pretty sure I can turn the therapy off, but I know that's hard to accept. What we'd mainly be trying to keep track of is any information that might surface and cause disruptions for Steven. The floods are particularly bad for this, in my experience.

[reflectedlight]

Sure. Yeah, alright.

You worked with the raccoon guy. You know what causes what I have.

[Most people that agree that DID exists agrees on why it happens.]

If you can control anything about what you see, don't look. And, if you can't, don't tell me anything about it, but I won't take it personally if we've got to stop.

[empathicfault]

[ Will nods. He knows the trauma that causes this kind of separation. Almost exclusively childhood trauma and abuse.

Marc clearly doesn't want to dwell on it, which is incredibly understandable. Rather than offer surface-level sympathies from a new acquaintance, Will follows Marc's lead. ]

I'll keep it to myself. And thanks for the offer, but...I expect I'll manage.

[ He doesn't say it lightly. He's had a lot of nightmares in his head, but this is a big one. Still, this one is his choice. ]

Is there anything else that's jumping to mind that I should know? Anything you want to know?

[reflectedlight]

[Marc nods.

You're an adult, you can assess risks. It is what it is.]

God, I have no idea.

Longest conversation I've had in ... six months. About anything. Any topic.