⚖️ Inbox - Steven Grant's Communicator

[de_nile]

This communicator belongs to Steven Grant! :)

If you need to contact someone that isn't Steven Grant, maybe you're looking for Marc Spector's dead drop...

Put date and format in the header, please!
Marc tags from reflectedlight
Steven tags from de_nile

Comments

[empathicfault]

[ Will waits fifteen minutes before sending another message. ]

Well, all right. We can talk here, if you want. Because there are things you need to know if you keep on the way you have. It worked for you before, right? Relatively.

It's not going to work here.

I'll give you fifteen more minutes. Make your decision.

[reflectedlight]

[Marc loses time here. Not intentionally. Dissociative disorders aren't all about alters, when he's stressed bad enough, the real world's hard to hold onto. He's out about eight minutes, it's gone like a missing piece of filmreel, and he glances at the clock in a panic when he's back to being able to comprehend numbers.

Things Marc needs to know. Like what? Like anybody's going to tell him how phenomenally screwed he is to a degree he doesn't already know?

Something new clicks.

Lounge. The lounge. Graham is blackmailing Marc, sure, but he's not coming to the cabin with a gun expecting to find the reason Steven's a bad person after all. Marc is being treated like a puzzle to solve, which has his hackles up, but fundamentally he's also being reasoned with in addition to being threatened with exposure.

Graham didn't barrel in and intervene during the daytime, and could have. He's still being careful to have this conversation in a way where they could both lie to Steven afterwards, which is huge.

Graham still thinks they're a fucking warden.

Marc throws on Steven's clothes, messes up his hair out of its neat comb and back into Steven's bedhead, and power-walks up to the lounge with only a small bit of time to spare. It's a surface-level disguise, only meant to hold up to passerby.

This is very evident when Steven Grant storms into the Lounge with the completely wrong body language and wearing what for Marc Spector is a neutral expression - a glare that could peel paint.

Steven moves like a nearsighted hermit crab surrounded by seagulls. Marc moves like an ex-Marine.

Marc hates being trapped. By the way. Hates it. In case anyone was asking, which they're fucking not.]

[empathicfault]

[ Will is sitting in a back corner booth, which provides a view of the rest of the Lounge. Unusually, he's on the side facing the corner. It leaves the 'good' seat open. A small concession.

He can hear everyone in the room just fine after all. He turns halfway through Marc's entrance, looking back at him and waving him over. ]

Thank you for coming. What's your name?

[abrightboy]

[Malcolm is in another booth, two over from the one Will is it, seated in such a position that he's not visible from the doorway or from Will's booth, but with a drink in front of him, to keep up the pretense of being in the Lounge for Lounge Stuff. He can't see the door any more than someone coming in the door can see him, but he doesn't need to. He can hear when someone enters. He can smell them. He's a coiled spring ready to fire himself over the booth between them if Will seems to be in danger.

Malcolm does scent him before Will speaks. It smells like Steven.]

[reflectedlight]

[Marc sweeps the room because of course he does. Nobody visible. It's the middle of the night, it ought to be empty.

That is indeed the good seat he's been left. He slides in.]

Is that important?

[Not Steven's accent, not even spoken with the same part of his throat. Marc is lower, more monotone, definitely American. Chicago, and he's stressed out, so it's thick and cynical.]

I don't want to do this where people can walk in.

[Marc swallows hard, makes the understatement of the year:]

He's a priority to me. Him getting to have his own life, not mixed in with mine.

[empathicfault]

[ Will looks back out around the bar. ]

Anyone who's still here probably won't remember it tomorrow. But we can keep it vague.

[ As he turns back, he chews his lip briefly. ]

I knew he was important to you. You tried to give him a soft landing. But that's not the way things are here. Once a month, there's something that might tear at your sense of self. You've heard about the floods? Some of them are really bad for that. And I told him about the breaches.

Whatever you're trying to shield him from, it's not sustainable. Especially not by yourself. Please let me help. Because I'm worried a shock from the wrong side might be more than he can bear.

[reflectedlight]

Yeah, I don't trust that. Your thing doesn't get monster movies made about it. They'll remember. I want to move.

[Flat.

God and - he knows he's being manipulated, after that. He fucking knows. He knows what it looks like, he knows that Steven plus mean alter means that Marc is easy to identify as a protector, motivated by keeping Steven safe.

And that's true. Kind of. It's complicated. He is the physical protector, he'll own that, but that's not all he is.

Marc is also a person, a person who has been doing a thankless, draining, difficult job for thirty years for someone who can't know he exists. Nobody has ever noticed something Marc's done for Steven before and thought it was a good thing. That he's doing good work.

The "soft landing."

(Good job, Marc,) he lets himself imagine. (Thanks.)

Marc pulls in a shuddering breath, tucks his head and smears both hands over his face.

Shake it off, man. This is an interrogation. Focus on what you want.]

You're not going to tell him?

[Just checking that he's reading this right. He has priorities.]

[empathicfault]

I'm not. I won't say anything, won't even imply anything, unless you're all right with it. I do think you should tell him, eventually. But you know him best.

[ Besides, consent is a very important issue to Will, and this is about the closest he can get to granting it to these two.

He sighs. ]

We can move. Where would you rather go? Your place? My place? One of those enclosed study rooms in the library?

[abrightboy]

[Malcolm tenses slightly. Moving will make things a bit awkward. Overhearing where they'll be, he can head there after they go, out of sight, but that leaves a window where Will is with him without backup and he doesn't like that. But he doesn't get up. He just continues to listen.]

[reflectedlight]

An empty cabin. You pick which door.

[It's a compromise. Marc can't have set up a trap if he doesn't know where they'll be, but Will can't, either.

He's standing, gestures just once to follow before he starts powerwalking out.]

[empathicfault]

[ Will nods and gets up to follow. He flashes Malcolm the number three behind his back- he'll try to head for Deck 3, if he can. Malcolm can sniff him out from there. Malcolm might even be able to without that- he's been working on honing that skill- but best to be as safe as possible.

He'll follow Marc to...probably the elevator? But even if not, he'll still keep up. And keep quiet. Thankfully, this is one of the quieter nights on the Barge and not too many people are still wandering around. ]

[reflectedlight]

[Three's fine. Marc lets Will pick a button, then walks behind him so he can choose an empty door.

Marc posts up along the far wall of the cabin when he can, immediately discards Steven's outer sweater layer and cuffs the sleeves of the button down to mid-arm. He even scrapes his hair back, a little, although it doesn't stay.]

Marc Spector. Yes, this worked at home. Yes, I know about floods, but not enough.

[abrightboy]

[Malcolm takes the stairs to three, then follows Will's very familiar scent to a random empty cabin. He puts his back against the wall beside the door, so he won't be immediately obvious to someone stepping out. He can hear them easily from here. Thanks to Marc's grooming, he gets there in time to hear the man's name.]

[empathicfault]

[ Will picks the cabin in the center of the string of three empty cabins, across the hall and down a way from Malcolm's cabin. It will keep residents from listening in, but will also allow Malcolm to dip into one of the other empty rooms if the need arises.

He is glad to get a name. He really didn't want to keep referring to Marc as 'the alter,' even in his own mind. ]

Hello, Marc. It's good to meet you.

Floods are usually less all-encompassing than Breaches, but they're unpredictable. I think the last one that might've been relevant to you would be when we were switched with alternate versions of ourselves. I became someone who never pursued law enforcement. Malcolm...his alternate had followed in his dad's footsteps.

Depending on how it hit you, it could've been something innocuous or completely changed your dynamic with Steven. And maybe you could've worked around that. They're not permanent, but they can be revealing.

[reflectedlight]

[Marc doesn't answer the greeting. It is not nice to meet you. He would prefer not to meet anybody, ever. Everybody he's ever met has been either against his will or because he had another goal that required meeting a guy.

He crosses his arms. He wants to be doing something with his hands. He pushes it down and just stays antsy.]

If you've got any ideas, I'm all ears. Were you serious about being able to take Steven off the ship for Breaches?

[empathicfault]

I am.

[ He makes an annoyed noise in his throat, as he remembers an observation he had earlier. ]

-but that'll only work if he's actually a warden. Is he?

[reflectedlight]

[Marc does not answer, but he grimaces, which is enough of a tell. ffffffffffuck.

No. No, he's not.]

I screwed up. I got us killed. I'm an inmate. He's just... here too.

If you mean it when you don't want to hurt him...

[Then you won't tell him.

Please, Will. Marc is really really really trying.]

[empathicfault]

I don't.

[ He says that firmly. ]

But it does mean I can't take him off the ship. We can test it out, just in case he really doesn't count as an inmate. But in all likelihood, you'll both have to go through at least one breach.

So, honestly... My advice remains the same. There's not a way to contain this. Your reality is going to leak into his. This ship is too small for people not to notice.

[ His tone is gentle, almost pleading. ]

You should tell him before you don't have the option to.

[ He doesn't expect he'll get through on this, but he wanted to give it one strong try before they turn down the path of folly. ]

[reflectedlight]

[Marc thumps the back of his head onto the wall behind him and mentally runs through every curse word in every language he knows.]

What are you getting out of this.

[A question, but flat as hell.]

[empathicfault]

[ Will licks his lips. ]

Me? A few things.

I like Steven, and I like you. That doesn't usually happen so fast. When it does, I pay attention. I try to hold onto it.

My last case involved a man struggling with DID. He never had help. With his comorbid conditions, one of his alters subsumed the other. I only saw the aftermath, but I don't want to see it again.

I think Steven and Malcolm could become good friends. And I think they could help reach other.

And finally, I have a tendency to try and help the people that fall through the cracks. Call it hubris, if you want.

oops title misfire

[reflectedlight]

[Marc averts his eyes at the description of subsuming. He doesn't have a weak stomach, but in his specific life perspective, it's about as gruesome as a mental image gets. He has a similar gut feeling about it that most people do about subsistence cannibalism.

Even when Marc wants to vanish, he doesn't want to fuse or integrate. He can't even imagine it not destroying both of them to create a complete stranger.]

Are we a case?

[Bitter.

Marc doesn't believe you that you like him, dude. He's not here to be liked.

Little headshake.]

I think Malcolm is the kind of guy to figure out how things work by smashing them apart. You can't do that to Steven again. He can be his friend, but he can't be a puzzle or a case. I'm not alright with that.

[empathicfault]

You are not a case. Steven is not a case. I have been poked and prodded and analyzed and had several journal articles written about me without my consent. I'm not going to do that to someone else.

And.... [ Sigh. ] I will talk to Malcolm, let him know your condition on that. I'm sure he'll agree. And I don't want to cause any more cracks or discrepancies for Steven, now that I know.

[ His tone turns apologetic. ] Malcolm does know about you, by the way. I was...distressed, when Steven dissociated. We talked it through after he left and figured out the general situation together.

[reflectedlight]

[Steven's not a case. Okay. Marc does another shaky in-breath. That's another thing nobody's ever explicitly told him. He's not sure he exactly believes it, but even the lie is more than he's ever gotten. Steven-and-Marc have always been a case, a symptom, a curiosity, or a source of pity, that's why they're a god damn secret in the first place.

He doesn't necessarily like being like this, but he wouldn't trade being whole for losing Steven. Marc loves him.

Fucking hell. Subsuming. How could you do that to your little brother?]

Okay. Me neither. [No more cracks or discrepancies for Steven, he means. Please.

Marc grimaces again at the Malcolm revelation - this one looks like he's fighting down his temper.

Three is too many. Three is way too fucking many people to know what's going on.

He got lucky that Graham - Will? Sure. Will. - that he isn't trying to interfere with this balancing act. More people means more unpredictability. Even one person knowing was a lot. Marc had a very acute fight-or-flight and tried to stab him, so this one's already going better for both of them.

When he talks, the emotion is pure, pit-of-the-stomach dread.]

Who else knows?

[empathicfault]

No one. Just me and Malcolm, and that's because we figured it out together. Okay?

[ He can see the panic- feel it in his throat, really, like hands grasping for purchase on his trachea. As much as he'd like to point out that others will find out, and to try and get ahead of it? Now's not the time. ]

We're not going to spread it around. Again, I'm not going to reveal anything unless you okay it.

[reflectedlight]

Okay.

[He's teetering, but he always is. Marc's got it, for now. Marc's goal is almost always to have got it, just for now.]

I just... if I can graduate before something like that happens, a flood like that, I can pull this off. It's my responsibility, it's my fault we're in this mess. He shouldn't have to have his whole world upended just because I couldn't, you know, couldn't pull off a simple job. That's not right, that's not fair to him.